Amy is off today, it's her first day off since Friday, poor girl has worked 31 hours in four days, she is a little tired. She works tomorrow 12:00 to 9:30 then she is off for Thanksgiving.
Little Jaydon & I had a little bit of running to do yesterday. We had things to pick up for thanksgiving dinner except the turkey, Amy wouldn't let me get the turkey, she said she didn't trust me, lol. So when I went to pick her up from work she got us a 17 pound bird.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I love to eat, lol, I was watching the "Today" show & they had someone on there saying the average person will eat 5,000 calories this holiday, I told Amy they are amatures, lol. We will go to my moms for Thanksgiving dinner & she usually gives us some of what is left over & Amy is fixing dinner here so we will be set on turkey & ham & all of that good stuff for awhile.
Anyway, the reason I had to pick up Amy yesterday is because I needed the van to do some running. Amy can't wait till after the first of the year to get her tax return, she is going to get her a car, it has been rough getting by with one vehicle ever since that lady ran into us the past March. I miss my car, it was so pretty.
Amy hates driving the van, she says it's to big for her, she likes little cars. Maybe next year we can get a newer model van with the tax return. The one we have is alright, I am not complaining, it would just be nice to have a newer one.
Well since it is almost Thanksgiving I guess I could say a few things about what am thankful for......
I am thankful for my loving wife, she has been there through the good & the bad. She is always there to help me through the rough times. She knows how to make me crack a smile just when I thought I couldn't ever smile again. I am thankful that she knows when to speak to me & when to just hold me in her arms & just let me cry. She showed me I was able to love someone without any fear.
I am thankful for my wonderful three boys, they have shown me I am able to love someone in a way I thought was impossible. I am thankful that I have the chance to see Mckayla one day, she is our daughter we lost due to a miscarriage. I don't speak of her often, but she crosses my mind from time to time. I know she is on Amy's mind all the time, it is with everything else that goes across this mind of mine, I have my own defenses set up.
I am thankful for my mom who tries to understand the illness I have & how it affects my life. I am thankful we have a place to keep us warm in the winter & cool in the summer. I am thankful for having food to eat, & I am thankful for having a vehicle that gets us to where we need to go.
I am thankful for my case worker who checks on me twice a month, I am thankful for the my therapist who treats me like I am not crazy, & I am thankful for my psychiatrist who gives me my medications.
I am thankful for not ever giving into the temptation to ending my life, I am thankful for the strength to carry on. I am thankful I didn't pull the trigger to the 38 special I had pressed against my temple when I had my first attack of psychosis. I am also thankful for not cutting my wrists, for not taking the overdose of my medications, & for not stopping in front of the train.
Yes I have thought about taking my life in many different ways, but I have not ever given into actually trying suicide. The closes I have ever came was when I had the gun pressed against my head. I was 19 or 20 & I didn't know what was going on with me.
I was a scared confused young man who thought he couldn't tell anyone of what I was going through. I do not know what kept me from pulling that trigger, but who ever was there telling me not to do it, I owe my life to them. For I would not have met my wife, I would not have known the pleasure of being a dad.
Although it may sound weird to some but I would not have been around to see my beloved TN Vols go 13-0 & win the National Championship in 1998. I would not have been able to have went to my dads grave & tell him about it, for watching football was one of the few things we did together.
There are a lot of things I am thankful for, but I am thankful for this day. I am thankful I am not in a psychotic episode, so everyday I can say that I am grateful. I am grateful for the highs of this illness, although I know it wont last & that the lows will be painful, the highs are worth it.
Even in a strange way, a way I don't completely understand myself, I am thankful for the lows, for those day makes me humble, they make me realize what is important. They make me reflect on the type of person I am & the person I would like to be. I just hate that it has to come with such a steep price tag.
Well those are a few things I am thankful for, I hope you can think of a few things you are thankful for this coming holiday. Don't worry I wont say remember there are those who are worse off than you, how the hell would I know that, lol.
I hate it when people say that to me, like they know how I feel. I like to tell them just to shut up but usually I don't feel like arguing with them when I am in that condition.
However, I do hope you are doing well & I hope you have a good holiday. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
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ALB 
post at my place 
at my place for those sad, hurting, feeling alone and dealing with old wounds 
Havent been by my site for awhile. 
I got a new post up you may want to read. 
Hope you have A BLESSED Week 
and you are loved 
Sometimes we forget such thing 
, have a good thanks giving. 
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